by Alyssa Exposito
We’ve all been there: some of US are in the thick of it, some of US just got over it, some of US think we may never get over it, and some of US never want to relive it. With Single Awareness Day (not SAD, though!) looming, here are a few thoughts (from someone who has been through all of the above) to make you feel less alone.
What heartbreak has taught me is that pain is an opportunity for growth, and the mending and healing times of life are actually a gift.
After much introspection--and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s--this is what the pain of heartbreak has taught me specifically:
- Remember, "hate" is a powerful word. So when you claim to "hate" something about yourself or anyone else, ask, “What part of my heart is broken today?” What part of you feels the need to defend the negativity around the experience that will no longer serve you? Because hating your ex will sound a lot like cynicism and an inability to let go. And you know what that looks like? Someone who is emotionally unavailable. Let it go.
- As it turns out, the "ugly" truth about any experience is both beautiful and liberating because it frees you from living in the past or wondering about the “what if’s.” Now you know.
- It's ok to let strangers in. You may think whatever has happened will make it harder for you to trust others, but remember it’s ok to give people chances, especially when they don’t look like your ex.
- You won't always leave things better than you found them. So stop moving mountains for people.
- Always have the courage to break your own heart. Remember that there are people who stay to nourish you, and those who stay to pick at the fruit. Sometimes, you have to lean into bravery and walk away from what is no longer serving you.
- Shadow boxing your bullshit will leave you sucker punched in the face. It’s much easier to play the blame game than to honestly say, “I can’t expect him/her to be emotionally available, if he/she said ‘I don’t think I am the person you deserve.’”
- There are realities you will begin to come to terms with, some truths you are now processing. You do not have to rush it for the sake of others. In fact, take all the time you need, please.
- People are not a means to an end. When you find yourself lonely, don’t text that person you know you will not give your all too for the sake of keeping company.
- It gets easier. It feels better. This too shall pass. Trust in delayed gratification.
- "Perfect" is a nasty and damaging word.
- There is no greater gift than presence. Actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words. If you find that every time you’re in the presence of someone who would pay more attention to their phone than the human in front of him/her, know that is the foundation of what they are willing to give you.
- You are under no obligation to explain yourself to anybody. Similarly, no one is obligated to explain him- or herself to you.
- Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. Sometimes they are heartbreaking, other times enlightening, but all of the time, they’re their business. At the end of the day, whatever transpires between you and another person boils down to how YOU react to it--because how they act or react or exist doesn’t have anything to do with you.
- People are like elements: some burn with passion, others pass like the wind, some ground you like roots, and others trickle through you like water. Seek those who compliment your parts.
- Say yes to grace. Meaning, forgive over and over again even those you think do not deserve it. Remember, it doesn’t mean forget, it means freeing yourself of devoting all your attention to something undeserving.
- Unconditional love is one of the most sacred things in life. Embrace it whenever you can and allow others to return the favor.
- You can turn the leaf on all of your leaving. I know that it’s much easier to quit and run the other way, but trust that you are deserving to both give and receive all that you have imagined....
- ...But learn to love the sound of your feet walking away from what no longer serves you.
- Healing is courageous. It takes guts to be done with a wound of any kind.
- Create your PAUSE. Reacting out of impulse makes you look like a bigger ass than responding ever will.
- Keep yourself open. Remember, closed fists are harder to hold onto.
Now queens, heartbreak or not, let’s raise our chins and heads up because our crowns have never been too heavy to carry, and never will be. Time to GLOW up.